Places Layer
The layers of your life: where are the places you invest your time, energy, and love?
As we continue to think about the layers of your life, the next stop or layer is places. Where are the places you invest, near or far?
Our lives are a cross-section of people, places, and things. Last week, I explained how I think about people when I am overwhelmed. This week, let’s discuss places. We each have a different capacity for each of these layers. I am a relatively small-scale person, but I have friends who have a much larger capacity. Both are great; the key is to know which you are.
Let’s define place. Place is anywhere that you invest your time, energy, and love. Home would be place number one. Where you start your day from, launch yourself into your day, and look forward to returning to when “the day” is over. Home matters. Home is the foundation.
Home can be a room you rent from a family, a condo you share with friends, a tiny apartment, or a large sprawling house. Define your place. Name what type of place it is because naming things matters.
Place is anywhere you invest your time, energy, and love.
Once you have named your home (mine is called the Hobbit House because it is a home built into the side of a hill - literally). Name where you work or spend the majority hours of your awake hours. For me, currently, this is an Adult Learning Center in Kansas City, MO. For you, it may be an office in a large building or a small office tucked away in the back of your house, as you work remotely. Name the place of your work, as you are consistently showing up there and giving of yourself.
Now it gets trickier because we all have such different lives. If you go to church, that would go on the list. If you volunteer somewhere, that should go on the list. If you have grown children in a faraway city, but you visit or interact with them regularly, that should be included on the list. If you are a grandmother who is involved in your children’s and grandchildren’s lives, those homes or places should go on the list. If you have aging parents and regularly spend time with them, their house or place of residence should be included on the list. I have a neighbor down the street that I purpose to interact with on a regular basis; her house is on my list. If you regularly go to the gym, that would be listed as one of your places. I would suggest anywhere that you spend more than one hour a week.
Here is an example of my list (It is listed in the order of priority for those moments that I feel overwhelmed and need to pare it back):
Home - Hobbit House
Work outside the home - Adult Learning Center
My son’s school
My office (work inside my home)
Church
Neighbors
Friends’ houses (there is a family we purpose to have dinner with at least once a month)
Once a month dinner family
Swim family
Movie family (another family we try to go to the movies with once a month)
Faraway friends and family (Sometimes we go visit these family or friends, or they come visit us).
The purpose of doing this is to name and notice all the places that you are being pulled and needed. Some are built (like a family), while others are invited in (like being part of an art group). The point is being honest with yourself. If you feel exhausted all of the time, it could be that you have many places on your list and there literally is not enough time in the week for you to be fully present in each of those places.
If you don’t know the building is on fire, you don’t know to call the fire department. As moms of littles, biggers, adults, or grands we pour out all we have for them, and it usually takes a significant something for us to say, “I’m exhausted! I can’t do all of this.” Or worse, you think, “I’m exhausted, I just need to push myself more, and it will be fine.”
I am here to tell you it will not be fine.
One of the key steps of moving from hustle to harmony is taking an honest inventory of your life. Shoving down and overscheduling are common and, in very short bursts, necessary, but if that has become your standard operating procedure, you need to Stop. Right. Now.
But how?
First, start by making the list. What are all the places you are a part of? Answer it honestly, don’t assume you know. Put pen to paper and write them down. Remember, if you spend an hour or more a week, it goes on the list.
Second, evaluate the list. Is there anything you’d like to remove from it? Is there anything you can take off of it? If not, is there a way to invite help? If you realize you are sitting at a practice field every afternoon for a different sports event, could you carpool with another player’s family? Could you drop off, and the other mom do pick up? Could you handle the Tuesday practices, but your spouse handles the Thursday practices? There are other options, but you have to be brave enough to ask for help to shift the weight.
*Side note: asking for help is bravery, not laziness. We’ll talk about that another time.
If this list makes you cry, that is okay. Now you know a piece of the puzzle of what is overwhelming you on a consistent basis. We all have moments of surprise or clarity when we think about our lives in an honest way. You have a beautiful life that is really really full.
Take a deep breath, list all the places, and then third, have a conversation with a girlfriend. Show her the list and talk through it. Answer her questions honestly. Then purpose to do ONE thing. Just one thing. Breathe in and think, “What an amazing life I have.” Breathe out and think, “And I am going to enjoy it, even if it is very full in this season.”
Again: Breathe in and think, “What an amazing life I have.” Breathe out and think, “And I am going to enjoy it, even if it is very full in this season.”
Knowing and seeing is the key to finding harmony in the midst of the hustle. In the next week, when you feel overwhelmed. Pause and think through all the places you have been or need to be just that day, and breathe. Breathe in and think, “What an amazing life I have.” Breathe out and think, “And I am going to enjoy it, even if it is very full in this season.”
The Yes/And of your life. YES you are an amazing woman with an amazing life AND you can enjoy it today.